Tap to Read ➤

20 Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

Seema Nehete May 6, 2020
"I do not fear the unknown. I will meet my new challenges head-on, and I will succeed, and I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me."
"All you need is love. False. The four basic human necessities are air, water, food, and shelter."
"People learn in lots of different ways, but experience is the best teacher."
"You couldn’t handle my undivided attention."
"I am ready to face any challenge that might be foolish enough to face me."
"Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it."
"Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will."
"Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors."
"The principle is sound. To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs, enabling your immune system to develop antibodies. I don’t know why everyone doesn’t do this… Maybe they have something against living forever."
"In an ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand and the right one would just be left for punching."
"Before I do anything I ask myself, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing."
"Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly… I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most."
"I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors."
"I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same…except I could fly."
"It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work."
"I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… And a panther."
"People say, ‘oh it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace.’ Well I say, it’s better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose."
"When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in."
"Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat."
"People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck."